Sunday, February 12, 2012
A long time ago a friend told me to sit still and wait, to listen to my heart. Turns out this is not always so easy to do ... to be quiet with oneself and to be patient.
This week in Flora's class she has been talking about intuition and it's uncannily relevant because again in my life I find myself sitting and waiting - for signs, for something, a voice, a guide ... some sense of direction. For this time of tiredness and nothing achieved to be over, to move on to new directions, movement of some kind, adventures, change ... a feeling that life is going forwards instead of being stuck. Which is how it has felt for the longest time now. For my intuition to speak and show me the way. To feel that something magical is waiting around the corner.
Too many choices, big life-changing-choices, and right now I feel paralyzed and unable to move at all. Like everything is on hold and frozen and i need to choose, choose, choose. Instead of running around in a panic, stressing about time passing and not knowing what to do (which would have been my strategy not that long ago), i am trying to breathe in and out and to wait, be patient, trust. That something is waiting only the time isn't quite right for me to know ... waiting to hear my inner voice showing me which way to turn. How to move forwards.
Sometimes I feel like i didn't listen, years back ... it happens - we know what our heart tells us but we let our heads guide us ... or we're just so confused that we run in circles and choose out of a place of panic instead of that lovely calm certain-in-our stomachs feeling of knowing what to do ... and i think how too many of my choices were made in that way, too panicked and rushed and not given time or quiet attention. I bolted rather than walked. Too many times. I made huge decisions which changed the entire course of my life, by bolting. Feeling frantic.
I am hoping this time to find that place of calm. Hoping my intuition will shout rather than whisper. Hope I will be listening. Hope I know how to follow without arguing or involving my head.
A song I have been loving lately.