That's how i've been feeling lately. I find myself dreaming of gypsies and caravans and i spend too much time on Pinterest looking at photos of beautiful places around the world. If I could, if money were no object and not the normal pull for family stability and security either ... i would want to take a year off and travel the world. Take Hayden out of school and go. Drive across the States, sail to the Caribbean. Maybe a cruise. As i can't sail and Clint gets seasick. Take a trip up the Amazon. Fly to Australia and up to Indonesia. I would like to see Bali and stay in a thatched straw hut at the end of a wooden walkway over turquoise water. Go to Zanzibar and shop in Morocco. See the Taj Mahal and visit women dying Saris the traditional way. Ride a bicycle in Holland and take a Gondola trip through Venice. Eat a LOT of pasta and see the Sistine Chapel. Eat more pasta and drink red wine. Rent a villa for a week and explore Tuscany. Go to Greece. Visit South Africa and drive to Namibia. And on to Labrador, where my great grandfather was born into a missionary family. And then back again. Not necessarily in that order. A few other stops along the way. Take a lot of photos and write and write.
But alas it is not to be. At least not now. I keep dreaming. Of a trip like this and also of it's polar opposite, finding a home and putting down roots. Sometimes i would like that house to be right at the very Southern tip of Africa so that i could have dinner with my family and go the beach with my friends ... pop in for coffee when i feel like it, have my tribe around me. Sometimes I think it would not be so bad to stay where we are, only in our own place. I go back and forth like a see-saw. It makes me quite dizzy. Maybe that's the way it is - the pendulum always swings between two poles for me. It's a Piscean thing I have been told.
Tonight in the car Hayden was talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. The Rock-Star dream has been replaced with wanting to be a Football player - for the Giants if he can ... and his back-up plan is to play for the Yankees, and then to be a teacher (love that). The boy who was so completely attached to England even though we left there when he was two, to the point that he used to cry that we had taken him from his homeland (yes, he really did) and who has a gigantic British flag on his bedroom wall .... this boy said tonight that he is growing up American and since he wants to be a Footballer he needs to stay here - at least if we leave, we need to be back in time for High School as that's going to be a really crucial time for his career. This is all him - none of it from us. We just listened. And then Lexi said that she's going to live in South Africa because she just is, she doesn't want to lose her memories of being there. She is 3. Seriously ?
We are the family who carry two British, one Irish, one American and two South African passports with us when we travel. And a handful of Greencards thrown in there too. We have three flags hanging in the house and a world map in our passage. I love travel and we've lived on three continents so we want the kids to grow up with a similar passion for the world but it's hard too ... the wanting to be rooted, the wanting to be free. The wanting to see more of the world and to head off on another adventure. (If only money grew on trees.) The wanting our children to feel that they belong, that they know where home is. I have three countries that feel like home and it really tears me apart sometimes.
I'm not sure where this is coming from .. i planned just to post my Sunday photos. And to explain that all the dreaming of travelling (and a little bit of running away) has been partly me not feeling very inspired of late. A little stuck. Still. OK - a lot stuck. Which i guess is all relevant. Somehow. And then it's easier to think about running away and where i would run to, than to deal with the every day routine which can sometimes be very monotonous. This is something i am working on.
And so i read a little online and i do a little browsing. I take photos as it was my last week of Intuitive Lens, and i look to others for inspiration. In a way, it's part of the process - sifting through to see what makes my heart leap. What I am envious of. What i long for. What i wish i had. Not to make me ungrateful for what is in my own life but to show me what i am really yearning for. It's been a long process and i think i have many steps to go, but things are starting to emerge out of the mist and i keep trying to be patient.
In the meantime, I was given the link to photographer Deb Schwedhelm's website this week. I think her work is amazing (the page takes a few seconds to load from the white background if you decide to check it out).
This song (and the video) really moved me ... it was included in the new EST magazine (I love free online reading).
So here's to dreaming of new things, of inspiration returning. And here are my Sunday photos, only six this week. I never used to share photos of Hayden or Lexi in this space, i felt comfortable writing about them but not uploading photos ... but in my aim to upload my Sunday photos from the week, Lexi is in most of them as she's my main subject. So bear with me for a while, I'll work on varying that a little. We have a new ballet dancer in the house and the light this week was beautiful.
Wishing you a lovely week and a little adventure in the midst of the day to day.