Saturday, March 9, 2013

It's not perfect ...

I admit it. It's not perfect over here. There is mess. A LOT of mess. The table which should be softly gleaming in the afternoon light with a fresh bunch of flowers or a good home cooked meal, is mostly looking like this.

Different mess on different days. I do at least rotate it. Most of the time. To keep things visually interesting. Life is feeling like a lot of laundry, dishes, more dishes, and snack, dinner, breakfast, snack, groceries right now. I don't seem to get to that elusive place where i can sigh out happily, put my feet up and say my list of to do's is done and everything is just peachy. 

We are house hunting. Again. I am drinking too much tea and daydreaming about painted walls and sunny gardens. 

I am redoing windows (ABC Cakes) and dreaming of spring.

I am reading too many blogs and getting a little lost in other people's lives rather than dealing with my own. Which mostly involves more tidying, especially my desk, and that's really not appealing right now. I am typing with my arms resting on a pile of papers though so maybe it's time to face up the to job. Maybe if when we move though, that might be a better time. I can tidy and put things straight as i am packing and then once we move (because, please universe, i hope we finally can, this year) then i can be all organized from day one. And i am going to be perfect going forward. After we move that is. There will not be mess anymore. Ever. And i will also go to interesting parties and more concerts and be more funky. I will. I wish.

I'm just feeling a bit in a creative and life slump. Not so much for lacking ideas, just being a little tired after too many broken nights and early wakings for bowls of cereal. And too much constant tidying. Clearly it's not a job i am that good at otherwise i would get it done, once and for all and be done with it. This is how it goes sometimes. Thinking too much of all the years ago when we were fresh-eyed fine art students just beginning. How things have changed over the years. How some have gone on to do beautiful things. That's the problem with looking back and comparisons. The what ifs. The why haven't i's. They why am i not doing more's. They come back to haunt me sometimes and i have learnt just to let them come and then eventually they grow tired of pecking at me and fly away. And then i can look up again. For now i will look at beautiful pages like this one i found recently for inspiration and daytime dreaming. I will drink my tea and maybe later, once i have woken up properly, i will be REALLY brave and tackle my desk.

Or maybe i'll just take the two munchkins back out into the snow and we'll have a little more fun because maybe that's really what this is all about, and everything else ... well, like my dining room table, it can wait.


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