Monday, June 10, 2013

On this and that and last minute trips to Toronto ...

In my head i have an ideal image of how mothers should be. Calm, kind, soft spoken, strong in a quiet way - gliding along, unruffled in the face of tantrums and sticky fingers on white skirts. Perfect calm and love. Radiating.

I have yet to achieve that perfect state and after 8.5 years of parenting I am realizing (only now you ask) that it's probably completely unattainable for me, and also just unrealistic.

We are moving in two weeks and although I like to think of myself as pretty laid back and relaxed, able to multi task and juggle a hundred balls without getting flustered, the truth is that i do. Get flustered. A lot. Of course I do. By the end of last week I was losing my temper too many times over silly things, and feeling really emotional and spent. The boxes are piling up but the house is still full and i ask myself what on earth we need all these things for when really our necessities would be a bed, some towels and clothes, a few books and toys, a glass bottle for some flowers, dishes and a mattress to sleep on. The 50 odd boxes in my basement tell me that we are way too overloaded with THINGS and the weight of them is sitting heavy on my shoulders.

On Friday I sent Hayden to school with a frozen bagel, hoping it would have reached room temperature by lunch time. Not my proudest mama moment. I felt like i was snapping and shouting at absolutely everything, wanting both my kids to be quiet and invisible so i could get on with what I needed to do. Totally reasonable. Not.

It was definitely time to take a break from the packing and the emails and thoughts about the move. Luckily the universe must have known I would be at the end of my tether by now, a little frayed at the edges and not feeling very patient or productive, and I was able to fly away on a quick weekend break to Toronto, to visit one of my oldest and dearest friends and to see her husband and their gorgeous baby boy. Six months old already and I am so glad i got to finally meet him. It was just one night but somewhere over the clouds, or in the pages of the book i was reading, the tension slowly ran out and into the ether and I was able to switch off. Having coffees and catching up. A wonderful dinner of the best Chicken Korma ever (yes really) in a tiny restaurant on the high street - my absolute favourite Indian meal. Walking the high street and browsing shops, not thinking of houses or moves or having to hand out snacks or stop a squabble. Feeling the weight of a six month old baby in my arms again, remembering all the little things about that age that i had forgotten ... it's been a while since there was a baby around here.

Thanks for a lovely weekend guys, it was just what i needed. 

This is the book i read on my way - Isabel Allende is one of my all time favourites and Maya's notebook does not disappoint. I almost finished it over the weekend, that's how hungry I was for a good story. Just a few more pages to go ... maybe the boxes can wait just a little bit longer ....

Now i am back home and hopefully a little calmer and a little less fraught as the real push to finish packing and getting us moved begins. Lexi has finished preschool and Hayden is almost done ... it's the time of endings and new beginnings for us and a busy few weeks ahead.

I'll be taking a little break from blogging for a while but will be back from the new house in a few weeks time.

Till then ....


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